


Deprogramming

by ladygabe



Series: Interludes: A Series of Moments in Poe Dameron's Life [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mild Angst, Mostly Fluff and Feelings, Post Star Wars: TFA, Spoilers, Stormpilot, This could be Gen if you squint, but let's be honest, it's really not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 14:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5500304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladygabe/pseuds/ladygabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens] It is easy for Poe to forget that the vibrant man he knows as Finn was programmed to be a tool. Following the events of TFA, he finds himself facing the evidence as Finn struggles with his own self-worth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deprogramming

It never occurred to Poe how amazing it was that Finn had betrayed his programming until the first time he saw him truly exhausted. Poe had booked it to the infirmary the moment BB-8 told him Finn was awake, but it was another good hour and a half before he was actually allowed to see him. The doctor looked utterly unimpressed by his presence as she took her leave, but some combination of pouting, pleading, and good old-fashioned Poe Dameron charm got him in.  
  
Finn was sitting up only because the bed had been propped up to keep him that way. His eyes were puffy and tired, as if he had not been asleep for a week straight but instead completely deprived of it. The way it took him obvious effort to turn his head convinced Poe that he should squash the urge to throw his arms around the other man. At least, for a little a while.  
  
“You’ve been sleeping on the job, buddy.” Poe meant it as a joke, but Finn straightened up, the corners of his eyes wrinkling in a barely suppressed wince. Even with the medication they had him on, Poe knew that moving at all when a lightsaber had gotten way too friendly with your spine must be painful. He quickly took him by the shoulders, just in case he got the foolish notion to try and get up.  
  
“Hey hey, I was kidding. You stay right where you’re at and relax.” Much to Poe’s relief, Finn rewarded him with a small smile.  
  
“It’s good to see you.” Finn’s voice was full of blatant, unpracticed honesty. Poe knew Finn could lie like a dog when he saw a need to, but he was tickled by the way the truth would just pour out of him. Stormtroopers weren’t allowed to have feelings, if Poe was allowed to guess, much less get experience in how to express them. It gave every instance of the truth an earnest, undoubtable nature.  
  
“You’re quite a sight, yourself.” Poe balanced himself on the edge of the bed, flashing Finn a smile and enjoying the way it made the other man’s widen.  
  
Then his heart skipped a beat as the smile disappeared all-together, anxiety suddenly sucking all the cheer from Finn.  
  
“Whoa, what’s this?” Poe felt his own lips droop. “This unhappy thing, where’s that coming from? You’re awake, you’re going to be okay, we’re all good.”  
  
“I failed.” The words came out of Finn’s mouth flat, emotions deliberately extracted from them.  
  
“What? No, you didn’t fail.” Poe put a hand on Finn’s, but the ex-trooper did not react. Instead, his eyes focused on the wall just over Poe’s shoulder.  
  
“I failed. I did not protect Han Solo. I failed to protect Rey. I lost to Kylo Ren.” Poe had to remind himself that shaking the injured man that had just come out of a coma was likely as bad as hugging him. He took a deep breath instead.  
  
“From what I hear, there was nothing anyone could do to help Han. And Rey’s fine – I’m sure the doc told you about her going to find Skywalker.” The words were supposed to be comforting, but they obviously had no effect on whatever story Finn was telling himself.  
  
“They’re going to kick me out of the Resistance, aren’t they?” Finn’s voice was small and childlike. “I failed and now they’re going to kick me out.”  
  
“ _What?_ ” It took Poe a long moment to follow Finn’s train of thought. It dawned on him slowly. Finn was so full of life and passion and emotion that Poe struggled to remember who he had been when he first met him: FN-218-something. A man – no, a soldier – without a name, a tool of an Order who saw disorder in any expression of individuality. An Order who would punish any perceived failure with much worse than exile.  
  
Shit, Finn was likely confused as to why the hell the Resistance had bothered patching him up in the first place.  
  
Poe took him firmly by his shoulders, adding a tone of command to his voice. “Finn, look at me.” It worked; Finn met his eyes, though fear was obvious in their depths. “Remember how we first met? I lost to Kylo Ren, too. He straight up kicked my ass, Finn. From what I hear, you put up a hell of a lot more than a fight than I got to.  
  
“Not only that, but I failed my mission. I lost my X-Wing. I lost the map to Skywalker. I told Kylo Ren about BB-8. Heck, I even went the wrong way on Jakku. By the time I dragged my bruised butt back here to base I was completely worthless.” Poe could see the confusion mounting in Finn’s expression. He counted it a victory. Confusion meant he was _thinking_ , not beating his head against whatever messed up expectations the First Order had given him.  
  
“Now, here’s a question with an obvious answer. Did they kick me out?” Finn slowly shook his head.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Exactly. So no one’s going to be kicking you out for anything. You gave us the information we needed to make sure what happened the Republic never happened again. You risked your life to disable those shields. Not only that, but you made sure we had the hole we needed to take the entire weapon down. That’s not failure in any sense of the word.”  
  
“But – “ Poe cut him off.  
  
“But nothing.” He pressed his index finger against Finn’s chest, expression serious. “You’re a Hero of the Resistance, Finn. You’re one of us now. And not a one of us is going to turn you out.”  
  
Tears sprung into Finn’s eyes. He struggled to talk, trying to blink them away, trying to apologize for them in the first place. Poe threw caution out the window and drew him into an embrace, careful to avoid the long bandage along his back. Finn clung to him, wetting the fabric of Poe’s shirt. Poe let him cry, giving him the permission he needed to _feel_ however he could.  
  
Finn finally hiccupped to a halt and mumbled something against his shoulder.  
  
“What was that, champ?” It took several false starts for Finn to get the words out.  
  
“I messed up your jacket,” he mumbled, as if that was the worst of all his failures.  
  
It took Poe all of two seconds to squirm out of the one he had taken to wearing and toss it around Finn’s shoulders.  
  
“There. All better.” Finn’s eyes threatened to overflow again, but Poe could not stop himself from chuckling. He had known this man for a handful of hours in total, barely more than a few days by any planet’s measure, but already Finn had won a deep part of his heart. Poe knew he would do far more than sacrifice a jacket or two if it made this man, this amazing, determined, courageous man who dared renounce everything he had ever known because he _cared_ so very much, understand just how special he was.  
  
“It suits you.”


End file.
